Welcome to Subsim.
Answers:
1) External torps will be loaded after the internal ones have finished. Make sure you are not in silent running and that your torpedo room has enough crew members. Also, make sure you drag the external torps into the internal reserve slots.
2) If you have just purchased the game, chances are that it's already patched to 1.4. Check by loading the game and looking in the bottom right corner of the main menu. It will say 1.4
3) Neutrals are just that. They will not radio your position or take evasive action if they spot you. Just don't sink them.
Carry on & come back if you need anything else.