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Originally Posted by jumpy
Sheryl Crow promotes bottom wiping 'army style' -
1) take one square of toilet paper and fold in half.
2) tear out a small semicircle from the middle of the fold and put aside.
3) insert the digit of your preference through the hole you have just made in your sheet of paper.
4) do the 'business' with said extremity and when satisfied pull the piece of paper back off your finger, removing any 'collected matter', and discard.
5) use that itty-bitty bit of paper you put aside in step two to clean the **** from under your fingernail.
Bob's your uncle, or maybe that should be Sargent Major?
:rotfl:
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Don't forget the hearty clap on the back of someone you don't particularly like to dislodge any remaining bits of poo.