[Karl-Heinz Jaeger]

*Beeeeeeeeeeep* goes the phone on UbiCorp's desk. Putting his copy of Vintage Car Enthusiast down for a moment, he reaches over and presses a button. "What is it, Diane?" UbiCorp asks. "Sorry to disturb you, Mr.UbiCorp, I have Mr.RivetCounter holding on two for you" pipes the secretary."Thank you Diane. I'll take it in the conference room. Can you ask Salesguy to bring up the latest figures after lunch please?" UbiCorp responds, stretching in his leather recliner. "Certainly, sir". There is a click as Diane cuts the line. Taking a minute to gather himself, UbiCorp adjusts his suit in the mirror before stepping out of his office and strolling down the corridor.

A moment later, UbiCorp enters the conference room, his colleagues chattering amongst themselves as he takes his seat. PRBloke offers coffee, politely. UbiCorp declines, equally as polite and takes the memo nervously pushed in front of him by SubDev. "I hope this isn't another budget increase request, SubDev" UbiCorp snaps angrily. SubDev backs away slowly, prostrating himself low beneath the steely gaze directed his way, slinking back to his chair like a wounded cur. Snorting in disgust, UbiCorp turns his attention to the little gizmo recessed into the table in front of him. "Gentlemen, RivetCounter is holding for us" he intones, "lets not keep him waiting". Instantly the voices fall silent, all papers are placed neatly back in their parent folders and every pair of eyes snap in unison towards the head of the table. Pressing the button beneath his finger, UbiCorp clears his throat.

"Hello RivetCounter, glad you could join us today. I haven't had a chance to see the latest figures yet, but I am assured that...". "Your game sucks, man" the voice on the other end cuts him off. A silence hangs in the air. UbiCorp adjust his tie and regains composure. "I'm sure you don't mean that, RivetCounter, all the market research indicated that....". "There are no death screens, no AI subs, and there are too many bugs to name in a single afternoon. In short, your game sucks, man". The silence returns. ResearchBoy looks at ResearchGirl, PRBloke frowns and consults his palm pilot, SubDev begins to sweat. UbiCorp sighs and rubs his forehead. "I'm sorry you feel that way, RivetCounter but we've been over this before. Simulations are what we call a 'Niche Game'. There isn't exactly a HUGE market for them, so our resources are limited in their development. We have to stick to a limited budget and make the deadlines we set" he explains patiently. "Not to mention the ton of historical innacuracies, the really crappy lack of anti-aliasing support and that......godawful thing that passes for TDC" RivetCounter continues, without missing a beat. Before anyone can answer, another voice chimes in over the line. "Sorry to interrupt, sir, but I have Mr.SubSimmer on the other line, he says it's urgent" Diane tinkles cheerfully. "Very well Diane, connect the three of us, if you would please" UbiCorp sighs and responds dejectedly. The secretary dutifully obliges, and clicks off the line.

"Hi guys! Arguing again?" SubSimmer teases. UbiCorp looks uncomfortable, ResearchBoy peeks down ResearchGirl's shirt, PRBloke fidgets restlessly, SubDev starts to twitch violently. "There are certain differences of opinion alright" UbiCorp admits "but we are trying to...". "Thought as much. Thats why I called. I have an idea I thought I might share with both of you" SubSimmer offers. "Please make it quick" RivetCounter demands, "I've got a LAN game soon and I need to mod my installation with the latest update of UberLeetHistoricalSubMod". "You don't get out much, do you" UbiCorp snickers. "Sunlight hurts my skin" RivetCounter shrieks, "and besides I wouldn't have to mod the game if you guys did your job right".

"Um...yeah." SubSimmer continues."Anyway, I was thinking, What if instead of whining like children all the darn time, you morons actually worked together to produce the ultimate subsim? UbiCorp, instead of asking TwitchGamer what he likes, get the research people to talk to the gamers who have more than just a passing interest in the genre. Niche game aside, theres nothing stopping you from investing the time and effort needed to make a really cracking, stable and bug free sim for RivetCounter and his pals to enjoy and to also make it fully moddable and customizable to their taste, should they so desire. So what if it doesn't appeal to a broad range, its a sim! It isn't supposed to. Add twenty bucks to the price tag and it will offset the drop in number of units sold. I dont think RivetCounter would mind shelling out the extra noodle, I'm only a casual simmer and I wouldn't mind". RivetCounter agrees, PRBloke ponders, ResearchBoy picks his nose, SubDev wets his pants.

"RivetCounter, instead of making posts on the forums complaining that the colour of the boogers up your crewmens nose isn't historically accurate, take off your tin foil hat and work with your friends to generate serious, workable ideas to incorporate into the next game. Realise you can't have absolutely everything right out of the box, and keep the wonderful mods coming as you always have. I'm sure UbiCorp would offer extensive support to cater to your yearnings for realism if you agreed to a slight hike in price" UbiCorp agrees this time, ResearchGirl and PRBloke both look disgustedly at ResearchBoy, SubDev turns blue and makes choking noises."So, everyone agrees then?" Subsimmer concludes. "Sounds feasible to me" UbiCorp nods. "Cool, man" RivetCounter concurs.

"Right then thats settled, except for one last thing......GIVE THE DARN DEVELOPERS A RAISE! They take way too much flak for their efforts, and are totally underappreciated for the awesome and innovative work they put in despite the monetary and time constraints placed on them. They deserve our thanks and a ton of stuff more so give them the support and praise they so rightly deserve, dammit! Alright I'm outta here" The line clicks as SubSimmer hangs up. SubDev can no longer contain himself. First, a gurgling noise escapes from somewhere around his neck, he then stiffens in his chair and begins to shudder and then finally collapses in a gibbering heap on the floor. The whole room falls silent. ResearchBoy looks at ResearchGirl, then they both gape at SubDev. PRBloke's eyes dart from SubDev to UbiCorp and back again. UbiCorp's mouth hangs open in astonishment, his eyes blinking incredulously. Then RivetCounter pops back in over the line. "So, uh, ResearchGirl, you doin anything this Saturday or what, man?"