I think 1 and 4 are very reasonable gripes, and that 2 comes close. I think there is a doctrine that is supposed to address that, but as far as I know, it doesn't work. If someone knows better, feel free to correct me. =)
But yeah, just about any other MP game has the ability for the host to restrict loadouts, and that's really irritating.
And not having the ability to join in the middle seriously restricts the ability to use DW to create anything resembling a multiplayer campaign. Given the amount of time involved in naval battles compared to air battles, it's strange that flight sims allow this but DW doesn't.
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