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By win, I mean setting up the Iraqi gov't on it's own feet and making it capable of running day-to-day operations so they can continue fighting the ground war for us. The U.S will still be there on a support basis but our position in the war will decrease substantially. When the insurgency ceases, we've won.
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Until the Iraqi's stop using the Americans to prop themselves up there is not going to be any stability and the longer we stay the more the general population will turn to hate us as occupiers.
Iraq is a loose, loose situation. There are no patriots, no loyalty to Iraq, the only loyalty to to their religion, their militia, and their holy-roller/gangster imam(?). Iraq will always be a fight between the different factions.
I think what you want is an impossibility. Sad but true.