Hidden anger can stay dormat for years, decades, waiting for something to trigger it off. This happened to me a few days ago while in Auckland.
Heres the reason of that anger...
Back in my early 20's I sentence to 12 months in prison for minor offenses, while waiting to be drafted into another prison I applied for to work on a Prison farm where we work from 7am to 6pm 5 days a week and have more freedom - not always locked in our cells. - being a prison farm the cells are situated so when you walk out your door your outside not inside some hallway. for instance this prison farm was a U shape with a field the size of a rugby grounds in the middle with the cells situation around it in a U. Outside of this U was the farm. When i got their i was assigned to gardener my job was to grow tomato plants 1.5 hectares of tomato plants with 4 others this was sweet as outside all day just about freedom so to speak. One morning while we line up for breakfast i accidently spilled my breakfast on this guy's table when walking past him, i apologise, cleaned up what i could and walked to my table. Later that day i got a visit from 3 guys in my cell who beat the living crap out of me apparently he had sent round his henchman to teach me a lesson - i was warn about this a few minutes before it happen yet what could i do go running to the prison guards? No way do that and i would of ended up in a coffin besides you dont nark inside. So took the beating which seem like an enternity, shut my mouth about it as guards wanted to know what happen - I fell over, of course they knew i was lying but if im not willing to speak out then theirs nothing they can do. Accepted the outcome and tried to do my sentence but do you think that would of been the end of it? far from it each day as when ever in contact with these ppl i would be spat on, swore at, laughed at, yeah ridiculed. For what spilling breakfast on his table. Turned out the guy was the gang leader inside for murder, just my friggin luck i go and spill my breakfast on the gang leaders table!
Yeah i can laugh about it, yet before this i was innocent as, never had an angry bone in my body when i came out i was one angry guy for years after that. But heres the weird part of it all, while walking back to my cell at the end of the day my cell was situated near the gang members so i had to walk past them every day get spat on or the snide remark, where some days nothing would happen,actually i think it depended on their mental ability probably when they were frustrated that their wives/or b*tches i should say never rang them then the stirring started. This particular afternoon after a hard days work on my tomatos heading back to my cell ready to cook some fried tomato and eggs, I saw only the gang leader standing outside, ok i thought what does this ******* want now, he comes up to me and says "How many times you been inside bro? I told him this is my first, then he says why have you not asked for a transfer to another cell away from all this. I said well why should i move. (Besides if i moved that would show these a*sholes i was running from them thats how i felt i may not beable to fight back and beat the crap out of these guys but the best revenge i could muster was not run from them - this makes them scratch their heads wondering if they're tough enough or doing it right. well thats how i saw it, maybe a sensible person would of asked for a cell transfer striaghtaway) He then just steps back out of my way & lets me pass. From that day onwards i never got a hard time from them, he must of gave the word to leave me alone. The last months of my time was good well as far as prison life goes that is.
Yeah but my anger which lasted for many yrs after this, i just couldn't understand how could you beat someone up and in my case send 3 thugs over to do it not a one on one but 3 v 1! and beat the crap out of him all over a spilt breakfast. Where is the reason in it there is no farking justification in beating someone up over that!!!? I got over it and moved on, well i thought i did but recently just a few days ago i went to the city for the day "Auckland" and for the first time in yrs i saw some gang members standing around while we were at the traffic lights, all i saw was red all i could think of in those few moments while watching them was imaging myself going up to them with a gun and popping them off one by one excecution style then maybe spit on them for good measure. I just realised then i still had this anger.