New player here too, but I ended up installing Grey Wolves my first night (after doing 3 of the training missions) so pretty much have played it exclusively my whole time. I love it.
I also sense, and maybe one of the devs can confirm, that they are going for realism while at the same time remembering it's still a game and still has to fun to play. I play SH3 because it's a challenge and almost freighteningly fun. I enjoy the realism mods, but while 80% failure rates with throwing oily rags at news reporters might have been true in WWII, it's no fun to model that exact failure rate when you're playing a game in which tossing an oily rag at someone is
fun.
There's a fine line between a realistic simulator of commanding a U-Boat and a realistic simulator of losing a war.
That said, I also have a NYGM install, but it's set to 100% realism for Wolves at War, and quite frankly it's a wonder my crews haven't mutineed against me!! I think I'm going to give that another shot with some of the more "gaming friendly" features turned back on soon before discounting it totally.
I'd definately suggest that you install
Generic Mod Enabler and test out any mods that strike your fancy. It makes uninstalling ones you don't enjoy a snap. The community of SH3 is genious and very inventive with the mods for this game.