Oh my god Mr Squirrel you've got squirrel Rabies, there's a foolproof way to test for this disease old boy, keep a glass of water close to hand or paw in your case and look at it regularly, if you've got rabies it'll start to drive you nuts. The doctor should have told you that there and then the silly mare, she probably wanted rid of you asap so I can't really blame her, If the doctor was ugly though I'd report her to the RSPCA immediately.
If the test is positive don't panic as it can only kill you once, it would be adviseable to get everyone you've been near vaccinated and get yourself locked in a darkened room at once and throw the key away. Its imperative that you keep out of sight or sound of water as that will increase the symptoms exponentially, oh one final thing Mr Squirrel, make sure that all the local squirrels are vaccinated as well, we can't have a major outbreak of rabies flooding the country when Wimbledon is just around the corner now can we.
One last thing Mr Squirrel, its going to be a long and slow painful death so I'll say my good
riddance byes now, silly me I nearly forgot, that'll be £50 for my medical services payable before you're locked up in that darkened room of course.
