The lack of response from the Russian ships was most likely due to the missiles never being in range of its FCR's, the range of which needs to be increased.
In terms of the anti-missile behavior, the ships don't differentiate between missiles targeted at them and missiles targeted *near* them. The problem here is that you have your platforms too far apart for the DDG to respond effectively with a second volley if the first SM-2 misses the supersonic Shipwreck.
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The DDG again responded with SM-2 when the missiles were around 20nm from the DDG (about 16 nm from the CV).
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Typically escorts would be much closer, and ringed around or in front of the escorted platform.
In terms of the AAW defense, its possible, based on what you said, the DDG didn't class the aircraft as Hostile until late, or it was busy doing other things with its missiles. In general, I have found that ships do hold fire for some time against aircraft unless the aircraft fire (or there are specific IFF settings in the mission engine), most likely waiting for PosID.