CONTROVERSY SURROUNDS NIGHTHAWKS CLINCHING
Statistician Error Not Reported
Week 12 in the Subsim Fantasy Football League. It's the longest weekend of football for the year, and for some coaches, the end could not come soon enough. The end is not neigh for any team, as we had some very unusual scoring combinations - and unknown to at least one Coach, their win may be in jeopardy following a review.
Who's looking at a possible loss just for showing up on the weekend? We'll tell you about that right after this very important.
NOMINATE FANTASY FOOTBALL REPORTS FOR BEST OF SUBSIM...CAUSE NO ONE HAS.
What's a week of football without a little controversy, and if we're going to have controversy, you just know it will center around Helmand Nighthawk QB Tom Brady. This week the Nighthawks were playing the Black Cats. Both teams are one time Champions but this week the Cats once again showed up with the brain in neutral, starting Tedd Ginn. Ginn sat on the sideline in a well publicized absence, and the Cats got zero points from him. On the other side of the field, the Press Box was all a twitter with the crappy performance of Demarco Murray (RB). Murray rushed for about 30 yards, which pales into comparison the workload from Cats RB Adrian Peterson who scored 38 points. On late Sunday the Nighthawks were in trouble, trailing by over 30 points with just Tom Brady (QB) to play in the snow. Brady threw, rushed, and got close and it looked like it was going to be a close decision at the end of the game. With less than 4 minutes to go Brady was sacked - but, the scorer did not record the sack. Coach FYC was throwing red flags, chairs, Tedd Ginn (cause he'd done nothing else so why not) out on to the field to get the attention of the referees.
"Nope, we're having nothing of you BS, get back on the sideline" was the Umpires response to Coach FYC.
The Coach retreated, cursing and swearing as the game drew closer and closer, and the sack was not recorded against Brady. In the dying minutes of the game, Brady manged to cheat, I mean crawl his way to 280 yards, and with the tree touchdowns, score 27.70 points, and give the Nighthawks the win.
A formal protest has been lodged with Statisticians and while the Nighthawks narrowly hang onto the win 141.7 - 140.62, this game is not final. It will be Thursday before the league announces their decision, but we'll proceed with the Nighthawk win at the end of the column.
Our match of the day this week was the Who Dat Nation as they hosted the Australian Taipans for the third time. Taipans have qualified for their own locker room at both the Who Dat Nation and Guns of Hochuli fields, but this game would prove pivotal for the end of year seeding. Nation rolled out onto the field, and just didn't seem to have it there. Perhaps lethargy crept in having beaten the Taipans before, and for that, they paid a price. Taipans showed up and Eddie Lacy (RB) finally showed his worthiness of a first round pick by finally putting up 27 point score. Taipans held the game in a stronghold and ended up opening a comfortably lead. The Who Dat Nation were unable to rally behind Drew Brees (QB) and rack up another record breaking score, allowing the Tapans to comfortably win the game. Taipans get one back from the Nation 137 - 99..
The third and final game, and with it, more questions being asked. The Guns of Hochuli sitting 4-0 in the division could shut out up to three teams this weekend with a win. Opposing them were the Drunk Monkeys, who for yet another week, had their red ass in the air as they started hospitalized Dione Lewis (WR). C'mon man, enough already, he's not coming back, get him off your team. Surprisingly, the Monkeys rallied with two 40+ points scorers on the team. Gunners, after a slow start by QB Aaron Rodgers, just never got going all weekend, slowed by turkey inners and running to the bathroom. The interchange bench and portable toilets at the Gunners home field were in short supply, meaning longer lines. Gunners had one highlight with O'Dell Beckham once again reaching across a gap the width of the Grand Canyon to pull in a catch, probably better than last years.
Guns of Hochuli then stutter, as they continued to congratulate each other into the fourth quarter on the second quarter catch. Drunk Monkeys scored three quick touchdowns and suddenly, the Gunners were behind with dire consequences. Having run out of time, the Drunk Monkeys finally become the first divisional team to take a game from Coach Casey, as they defeat the Guns of Hochuli 139 - 108.
Now while the jury is still out on the Helmand Nighthawks score, we're going to reset the table and proceed as though Tom Brady doesn't get penalized.
#1 Seed: The Helmand Nighthawks win the regular season. They cleared out on the rest of the league and set sail for the championship. With just two more weeks to go, the Nighthawks can take the balance of the regular season off to go to Bali, and come back in the playoffs. Nighthawks clinch the Surface Skimmers Division and the #1 seed.
Clinched: The Who Dat Nation, despite the loss to the Australian Taipans this week, clinch a play off berth. At 7-5 they're above .500% score will leave them in the Championship Bracket, as either the #2 or the #3 seed. A favorable loss by the Guns of Hochuli this week puts them in a position to win the division. The downside to it is that although they may win the division, it appears that they may still be playing the Gunners in one form or another in the playoffs.
In Trouble: Having already beaten the Taipans three times this year, the Guns of Hochuli probably wished that they had them on the schedule in the next two weeks. The Gunners are 3-6 when playing anyone but the Taipans, and in trouble. Having been handed their first divisional loss this week, the Gunners can still win the division, but they are going to need help. Their path to the playoffs runs through both the current #1 and #2 teams. Gunners need to win both, and get some help. They're not out of it, yet, but they have the most to loose.
The Brawl: Look down the ladder and the best 4-8 teams you've ever seen are all tied up. Unless there's a monumental crash at the top of the table, only one of these teams will be making an appearance in the Championship Division. The Drunk Monkeys have to play the Black Cats and the Who Dat Nation in the last two weeks. Wins in both games could elevate them as high as the #3 seed. The Black Cats have to play both the Drunk Monkeys and the Taipans in the last two weeks, and even if they beat the Monkeys in Week 13, are going to need help, despite having the easiest run into the playoffs. The Taipans play both the Drunk Monkeys and the Helmand Nighthawks, yikes, and look to finish the year at the bottom of the ladder.
Not too hard to pick mext weeks Match of the Day, its the Guns of Hochuli hosting the Who Dat Nation. Divisional title and a possible preliminary bout for the first week of the playoffs, these two teams will meet again, and this week, the Gunners have more portable toilets available. It's not over yet but the line in Vegas says that if anyone is going to beat Mister Christ and the Helmand Nighthakws, it will probably come out of this game.
Each week, the Associated Subsim Writers (ASW) will nominated their Most Valuable Torpedo (MVT) of the week, the single player who proved decisive in their teams performance.
While the winner of this weeks award hasn't very many wins for his team, his reward this week was to keep his 4-8 coach in the playoff hunt. For the effort of 300 passing yards, 4 touchdowns and 9 rushing yards, for a total of 41.90 points, the Associated Subsim Writers are pleased to present Phillip Rivers of the Drunk Monkeys the Week Twelve .MVT.
