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Old 09-28-15, 11:12 PM   #7
Gut Wrench
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242 POINTS
Black Cats Put a Mauling On.

Week 3 in the Subsim Fantasy Football League. Pull out your record books and mark this week as the one week you should have watched Coach Pioneer's recent Direct TV commercial and changed over to the Black Cats game. If you didn't, you missed one of the powerhouse displays ever displayed when the Cats surged over 120 points in the third quarter of the Sunday game.

Before we bring in the damage report, let's make sure that you all know what you have to do after reading this column.


DONATE TO SUBSIM...AND NOMINATE SUBSIM FANTASY FOOTBALL FOR BEST OF SUBSIM.

This week's match of the day was the Australian Taipans hosting the Who Dat Nation. In one of the most peculiar schedule arrangements this year, the Taipans met the Nation for the second time in three weeks, this time on the hallowed turf down under. The game was not without multiple Belichick like changes, with four combined changes between the two teams in the last two minutes on Thursday before the start of the first game. Taipans come out of Thursday night with the better productivity, and the two teams maintained an even distance between each other until Sunday morning. The Taipans stopped scoring late in the first game and the Nation capitalized and grabbed the lead, and were never headed. The Who Dat Nation for the second time in three weeks, outscore their predicted total by 33%. The gap was just too wide, once again, for the Taipans, who open the season at home with their third straight loss. Who Dat Nation convincing winners 185 - 149.

Around the time that the Taipans stopped scoring, the Black Cats opened up a can whoop ass and every network in the world, (and the one Martian in the broadcast area) all changed over the Gunners game. The Guns of Hochuli, league leaders were comfortable in front of the Black cats, despite having not scored a large total. The Cats however, in the space of one quarter, just annihilated the Gunner's, putting up over 150 points, more than two teams total scores for the entire weekend. The Cats, lead by QB Cam Newton, continued to pile on the points with no less that five players scoring above 30 points. The game was put out of reach of the Gunners in that one quarter, and they coasted throughout the remainder of the weekend, before coming back in garbage time Monday night to add respect to the score. Final score, Black Cats score a record number of points, and knock off the league leaders Guns of Hochuli by 242 - 170.

After the game, Coach F.Y.C. arrived at the media conference and gave the following message to those detractors who criticized his draft selection.

"Yeah, (bleep) how about that (bleep) score, hey? What a (bleep) running (bleep) (bleep) wide receivers (bleeped) and they (bleep) tore through (bleep) the (bleep). (Bleep) you (bleep)."

Well spoken Coach.

The shock of the Black Cats score had implications across the pond where the Helmand Nighthawks were hosting the Drunk Monkeys. The Monkeys, who only arrived on Baboon Airways hours before the game due to English quarantines regulations, were ill prepared when their ace QB, Ben Roethlisberger went down in the game with a bruised ego. The Monkeys, already suffering from a couple of low scoring efforts from the Patriots Defense (5 points) and Jeremy Hill (RB, 2 points) that the injury handed the game to the Nighthawks. The Nighthawks continued to play their starters, and by Sunday afternoon, this game was out of reach as Randall Cobb (WR) scored over 35 points in garbage time Monday night. Helmand Nighthawks as expected defeat the Drunk Monkeys 166 - 128 and advance to 3-0.

Now, although we are only three weeks into the season, there are some intriguing developments in the league. Let's look at the table before we get to next weeks game.

Mister Chris and the Helmand Nighthawks are the only undefeated team in the league at 3-0, and hold a one game lead. Behind them, three teams are tied at 2-1, the Guns of Hochuli, the Who Dat Nation and the Black Cats. The Gunners hold the tie breaker having won 2-0 within their division. The Who Dat Nation have the same divisional record as the Black Cats of 0-1, but have slightly outscored the Black Cats. The Black Cats, on the strength of their record breaking score (I am still stunned) put them back in the hunt on for and against. At the bottom of the league, both the Australian Taipans and the Drunk Monkeys are yet to record a win at 0-3. The Monkeys have scored 100 points less than divisional rivals the Gunners and the Who Dat Nation. The Taipans, however, have scored about the same number of pints as divisional leaders Nighthawks, but, have had more than 200 points scored against them. Over in the Sub Skimmers Division, they're already talking smack about the Nighthawks soft schedule, and are making plans to take three of the four play positions.

We love it when one division talks smack about the other, then have to meet the next week. And so it is, next week's match of the day, we go back across the Atlantic to the Helmand Nighthawks hosting the Guns of Hochuli. The Nighthawks are in a unique position to put the Gunners two games behind one third of the way through the season. The Gunners, smiting after the Black Cats ran up a cricket score against them, are looking to tighten up the league and take the first tie breaker if they beat the Nighthawks. It looks to be a offensive (scoring) game as the Colonials try to take back the Crown.

Each week, the Associated Subsim Writers (ASW) will nominated their Most Valuable Torpedo (MVT) of the week, the single player who proved decisive in their teams performance.

There's only one team who truly deserved the award this week, but there were so many eligible candidates throughout the team. For the first time ever, the vote for this weeks award had to go to a tiebreaker, and we had to call for divine intervention.



Thank you your Eminence.

For the effort of 10 receptions for 227 yards and 2 touchdowns, for a total of 50.07 points (and was still not the highest individual score of the week) , the Associated Subsim Writers are pleased to present A.J. Green of the Black Cats, the Week Three MVT.


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