[STEED]

Just for you Kapitan. A famours sketch from

ITS

Monty Pythons Flying Circus

THE SPAM SKETCH -

Cut to a cafe. All the customers are Vikings. Mr and Mrs Bun enter - downwards (on wires)

Mr Bun Morning

Waitress Morning

Mr Bun What have you got, then?

Waitress Well, there's egg and bacon; egg sausage and bacon; egg and spam; egg, bacon and spam; egg, bacon, sausage and spam; spam, bacon, sausage and spam; spam, egg, spam, spam, bacon and spam; spam, spam, spam, egg and spam; spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, baked beans, spam, spam, spam and spam; or Lobster thermidor aux crevettes with a mornay sauce garnished with truffle pâté, brandy and with a fried egg on top and spam.

Mrs Bun Have you got anything without spam in it?

Waitress Well, there's spam egg sausage and spam, that's not got much spam in it.

Mrs Bun I don't want ANY spam!

Mr Bun Why can't she have egg, bacon, spam and sausage?

Mrs Bun That's got spam in it!

Mr Bun Not as much as spam, egg, sausage and spam.

Mrs Bun Look, could I have egg, bacon, spam and sausage without the spam.

Waitress Uuuuuuggggh!

Mrs Bun What d'you mean uuugggh! I don't like spam

Vikings (singing) Spam, spam, spam, spam, spam ... spam, spam, spam, spam ... lovely spam, wonderful spam ...
Brief stock shot of a Viking ship.

Waitress Shut up. Shut up! Shut up! You can't have egg, bacon, spam and sausage without the spam.

Mrs Bun Why not!

Waitress No, it wouldn't be egg, bacon, spam and sausage, would it.
Mrs Bun I don't like spam!

Mr Bun Don't make a fuss, dear. I'll have your spam. I love it. I'm having spam, spam, spam, spam, spam ...

Vikings (singing) Spam, spam, spam, spam ...

Mr Bun ... baked beans, spam, spam and spam.

Waitress Baked beans are off.

Mr Bun Well can I have spam instead?

Waitress You mean spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam?

Vikings (still singing) Spam, spam, spam, spam ... (etc.)

Mr Bun Yes.

Waitress Arrggh!

Vikings .. . lovely spam, wonderful, spam.

Waitress Shut up! Shut up!

The Vikings shut up momentarily. Enter the hungarian.
Hungarian Great boobies, honeybun, my lower intestine is full of spam, egg, spam, bacon, spam, tomato, spam ...
Vikings (starting up again) Spam, spam, spam, spam ...

Waitress Shut up

A policeman rushes in and bundles the Hungarian out.
Hungarian My nipples explode...
Cut to a historian.

SUPERIMPOSED CAPTION: 'A HISTORIAN'
Historian Another great Viking victory was at the Green Midget cafe at Bromley. Once again the Viking strategy was the same. They sailed from these fiords here, (indicating a map with arrows on it) assembled at Trondheim and waited for the strong north-easterly winds to blow their oaken galleys to England whence they sailed on May 23rd. Once in Bromley they assembled in the Green Midget cafe and spam selecting a spam particular spam item from the spam menu would spam, spam, spam, spam, spam ...
The backdrop behind him rises to reveal the cafe again, The Vikings start singing again and the historian conducts them

Vikings (singing) Spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, lovely spam, wonderful spam. Lovely spam wonderful spam ...
Mr and Mrs Bun rise slowly in the air

END