Maybe he's come down with a case of polonium poisoning? Or maybe they shot down another airliner and it crashed on his head? Or maybe he's been arrested for ordering the murder of Nemtsov? We can hope.
In other news, in the completely accurate documentary shown on Russian state TV about how Crimea was s̶t̶o̶l̶e̶n̶ ̶f̶o̶r̶ returned to the Glorious Motherland, Putin said that he considered using nuclear weapons when he i̶n̶v̶a̶d̶e̶d̶ ̶U̶k̶r̶a̶i̶n̶e̶ ̶a̶n̶d̶ ̶a̶n̶n̶e̶x̶e̶d̶ liberated Crimea.
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