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Originally Posted by raymond6751
I appreciate the response, guys. Some good points.
I made mistakes earlier, trying to be too demanding and too critical in his early teen years. Too late I learned that he was in a depression, and I was contributing to it. He had a hard time in high school, trouble making friends.
He got professional help then, as I did for a work-related exhaustion. The damage was done, and the silence began.
I'm afraid he may be back into a depression, but can do nothing about it. My suggestions about talking to the doctor again are turned down flat. Being an adult now, I cannot make him get help.
The good news is that he doesn't drink, take drugs, or go out. In fact, he isn't any "trouble" at all, just stuck to his gaming. He takes his meals back to his desk!
He pays rent and a portion of the groceries bill. The issue is just that he does nothing whatever and does not want to do anything.
I'm alone, as my wife passed when he was only four.
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I can't find the article I read not long ago that many men are checking out of society, even sexually and finding life and escape behind video games. It reported that many male teens have up to their mid to late 20's if parents will keep them up.
You're in a tough situation and with his mother passing I'm sure that has been part of his depression. I don't know a lot about clinical depression and its treatments, but I've seen a lot of people overmedicated. Just seems with many doctors they don't care about getting to the real problem, just hand out mass meds...
Attacking him at this point is probably useless, except it may force him out into the real world in which he may thrive or spiral badly. It's a difficult time, kids that age, really adults, want the privileges/rights of adults, yet few have the ability to care for themselves as adults. You have to find the right balance, attack him too much and it will just hurt his self image/esteem and he'll fight back because he thinks he's an adult.
Your job as a parent is to become unneeded. Hard concept, but that's the job, to get your child to the point he doesn't need you and wants to build a life of their own.
If he's working part time, maybe you need to encourage him into a full time job or get him in a trade school. Heck, from age 15 on I was working full time hours, I would've been too tired to stay up..
There's no quick fix, took a long time for these things to get this way and it will take many years for thing to change, but get on the right path. Seems you know drastic change isn't working, so start taking some small steps.