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Originally Posted by Platapus
But I have never found any scene fiction come close to the complexities, depth, and frankly satisfaction of a real consensual BDSM relationship.
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THIS! No "scene" or "play" can substitute the reality of a relationship that takes time and effort to develop and build the trust that is necessary for an "s" to truly submit. One reason why I don't "Top" people or play with anyone outside of a relationship. No slam on those that do - but it just doesn't work for me.
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But the good news is that BDSM is becoming more mainstream. If it helps one person feel more comfortable about their fantasies and can lead them to join a legitimate BDSM educational group, it is a win for the community.
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And for the person! Finding serious people who are concerned about the important things - consent, safety, responsibility, growth - can keep new folks from getting in too deep too fast. We can help stop the "frenzy" that new folks tend to get into. People don't just jump into the deep end of a pool if they don't know how to swim - and they should apply the same learning process to D/s or S&M. Just to be clear - we should always be learning.
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What I fear is that there will be uneducated and inexperienced people who will read these books and try to implement them. That can be damaging not only physically but emotionally.
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And one real issue we have seen is a few so call "doms" who skimmed a few pages of 50 shades and determined that they can do anything they want to a sub provided they claim to be dominant. Well, someone can call themselves lordmasterdominantoftheuniverseTom but it just doesn't make it so.
If anyone has a serious interest in the life - or a curiosity about it and is willing to hear reality vs the aggrandized perception, I encourage you to reach out to your local community. If your not sure how to find your local community - feel free to PM myself or someone like Platapus for info on how to start looking and what to expect.
By all means - if you find an active community - attend a munch or 6 before you do anything else. Meet people in safe environments, watch how they interact in regular environments and see if they show a sense of maturity and responsibility in their actions before you "do" anything. Always place consent and safety at the forefront.