The Legend of the Voodoo Dick...
A man had to go on a long two week business trip with his company but did not want to leave his wife at home without some form of sexual entertainment. He decided to go down to one of the local adult novelty shops to see what types of dildos they had available...
SHOPKEEPER(Indian Voice): Welcome to the number 1 Adult Novelty shop. What can I do for you?
Man: I need to buy a dildo for my wife whom I will be leaving at home alone for a few weeks.
SHOPKEEPER(Indian Voice): You have come to the right place my friend. We have all sorts of dildos in stock. We have long, short, thick, narrow, studded, smooth, and ribbed.
Man: No, I need something different, something special.
SHOPKEEPER(Indian Voice): OHHH, you might want the special 'V.D. dildo' then.
Man: V.D.? Isn't that a sexually transmitted disease?...
SHOPKEEPER(Indian Voice):I just call it that because if you say its real name it comes to life and fecks anything you command it to.. Watch this...."Voodoo Dick the door"
The package on the counter opens up and the 'Voodoo Dick' flys across the room and starts to hammer the door.
Man: That's fecking awesome! I'll take it!!!
30 mins later...
Man: Honey, I'm home and I got something for you.
Wife: What did you bring me?
Man: It's a special dildo Honey!
Wife: What's so special about it?
Man: You can command it to feck anything you want. For example, "Voodoo Dick the pillow".
The Voodoo Dick flys out of it box and starts to hump the pillow.
Wife: (Jaw hits the floor) That's wonderful! Thanks for not leaving me at home without anything to do while you go on your trip!
Man: Your welcome, but now I have to leave. Have fun with your new toy Honey, I love you!
Wife: Love you too!
The man leaves the house on heads to the airport knowing full well that his wife will be happy while he is away.
Meanwhile back at the house....
Wife: "Voodoo Dick, my pu$$y!"
The 'Voodoo Dick' stops humping the pillow and fly straight up the woman's vagina and begins to ram her hard and deep.
Wife: Ewwww, YEeesssss, Ooooohhhh!
Eight Hourse later....
The wife has forgotten the special command to control the 'Voodoo Dick' and it continues to pound her hard. It's beginning to hurt her and she wants it to stop.
Wife: Ummm, 'Voodoo Dick Stop', 'Voodoo Dick go back to your box!' Why won't it stop? HOW DO I GET THIS THING TO STOP FECKING ME????!!!!???
Two hours later.....
Wife: Must......get......help....(Stumbles to her car as the 'Voodoo Dick' continues to hammer her insides)
Swerving down the road as the wife drove towards the hospital a cop thinks he's spotted a drunk driver and pulls over the car....
Cop: Had a little to much to drink tonight, mam?
Wife: No Officer, it's this 'Voodoo Dick' thing. It keeps fecking me and I can't get it to stop.
Cop: Yeah Right...."Voodoo Dick my a$$!"
WUHAHAHAHAH