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yet I'm still barely on a single government watchlist
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Barely? As in sort of, kind of, almost?
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I wonder what I have to do, besides running into a kindergarten naked to get on more.
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Nope, that would be your local law enforcement people that would like to have some words with you.
FBI-worthy stuff would be terrorist activities, colluding with those turban-wearing extremists, a lengthy history of hijacking planes, building bombs, threatening presidents...