So the cable guy - who was very nice - looked everywhere and couldn't find whatever box outside he needed to get into to get me hooked up. Maybe no one who lived here ever had cable, I dunno. He even called the property management company and they said no one there knew where it was either.
So he called Time Warner and someone's going to call me tomorrow morning and come out later in the day to do whatever they have to do to tap me into the cable lines out here.
Oh well, at least I'm on vacation and will be home.