Uh, come to think of it, I have no idea where Wendy lives. But she can't be far away. In fact, I'm sure I'm hearing some noises from behind that rock in there.
Perhaps it's her? I'd better check it out!
Oh! Oh my! That's no Wendy! She has much better fashion sense than to wear an old car tire on her shoulder! It must be one of those scary conservatives that dolt back in that town was talking about.
No worries! I woke up with a gun today! I'm going to scare him away with this! I hear the conservatives are very afraid of the guns and write incomprehensible rants about their fears to the Internet forums all the time.
Err, now that I think about it, I'm not sure if it was that...
...or being afraid of losing their guns...um, stop? Please?
WHY DON'T YOU STOP?!
STOP!
Whew! It worked! I just had to use sentences short enough for his proto-brain to understand. That's nice Mr. Conservative. Just stay there now and you'll get a cookie. Okay...uh...bye and stuff...
Better proceed carefully. They might have a den somewhere in here. I heard those conservatives are big on family values and discriminating the good and honest rainbow folks.
Ugh, is this what they call home? More like trailer park to me! No way I'm spending another minute in this dump!
Perhaps those good people could point me to Wendy's home? I mean, everyone reads her adventures, so they should know where she lives.
Oh, how cute. It's the local baseball team practicing. Personally I don't see appeal in sending round objects on ballistic trajectory by hitting them with over-compensating phallic symbols, but I'm sure these simple folks find much joy in it. I still have to disturb their euphoria for directions.
Um, hello? Could you tell me where...oh, hey, there's no need to come closer, I can hear you just fine from here...
No, seriously, I'm sure it's a nice bat but I'm not interested in it.
Don't you understand plain English?! Stop charging me!! I just want some directions to find my friend!!
STOP!!!
Whew! It worked again! Those must have been friends of those clerks in the Super-Duper Mart. I must have been put on some Disgruntled Clerks International Black List if every single underpaid customer service person here wants to act exceedingly violently towards me.
There are more of them! It's like some sort of convention they are having here or something!
Okay! If a strongly worded complaint is what they want, then it is what I will give them. This time I'm not taking risk but playing their game.