[Armistead]

I got involved in fundamentalism at about age 14, not that I really intended to do so, a cute girl invited me. It was a revival with a mountain preacher screaming his lungs out about the tortures of hell. I wasn't so much concerned about finding God then as I was about being tortured, so I went and got saved. I spent 9 years in that church.

Certainly, there were some good aspects, but it wasn't worth the emotional trauma. I can remember much conflict over science in school and what the church thought. In church we're told the earth was 6000 years old and that evolution was false.

Course the teens accepted what the church taught. I walked around for years waiting for God to strike me dead over a host of sins, natural things like masturbation. We were taught that mere sexual thoughts were adultery and that if we willfully did it, we probably weren't saved. About 19, I was teaching Sunday School, later became the youth pastor. I became very frustrated at every revival, seems the entire youth would get saved again. I realized they were suffering and dealing with the same emotional trauma I was. It became more serious to me when a 17 year old young man took his life over the fact he couldn't stop masturbating.
I know for a fact that the majority of fundy kids went wild when they reached adulthood.

It was when I went to bible college that I learned I wasn't to take everything literal. The more I studied, the more I questioned, even though the motto of our church was "Don't question God." I later did mission work in Africa and Borneo, saw more suffering than could be imagined. I became very skeptical, my views changed somewhat, but I didn't quit believing, but I dropped out of church.

Over the years, I spend 1000's of hours of sincere study trying to figure out God, what religion was right with an open mind and a sincere heart. If God existed, I couldn't figure him out. Later I recall talking to a pastor who told me my unbelief was "I got away from the bible". Seems my options were closing my mind, my heart and my logic to accept a version of God or remain skeptical. I chose to remain skeptical, hoping that if God exist, he would prefer an honest sincere skeptic over a dishonest close minded believer.

I don't trust any religion regarding the education of my children, because it starts with them closing their minds to critical thinking, resulting in a mind that can be easily controlled.

I would love to KNOW God exist, but I cannot know. It doesn't mean I don't think it possible, I just don't know. I do know I became a more moral person without religion, more loving and more concerned for my fellow man.