[Crécy]

Chronicles of Northumbria
Reign of a Northumbrian Duke Sigeweard I 'The Builder' of Deheubarth, son of Eanfirth II
(1166-????)
by Grégorie d'Anjou

Shortly after Duke Sigeweard I, the regent and chancellor of kingdom of England, was given the honor to guide the realm of England he accomplished so many great things that I'm only able to list a handful of them. For example in late Jume 1167, Duke/Chancellor/Regent Sigeweard I drove off a great dragon roaming around York countryside which was harassing and killing the locals. And in early August child King Sigeric I granted Sigeweard new lands from the recently conquered Ireland, which conquest Sigeweard made possible. By the end of the year Duke Sigewerd had achieved more than... Bah, who am I kidding.

I can't believe I waited hundred years for this!? This!? The man is so damn unproductive, so fruitful, that any chronicler would fall asleep while writing the first sentence. Actually you could even summarize the whole year of this man's life in one sentence and you couldn't even write THAT because you fall asleep halfway through it! To be honest I haven't written anything in few years. I probably fell asleep trying to... I have, once again, wandered in the halls of the King (as Sigeweard spends most of his time there now), courting ladies, writing poems. Endless, pointless roaming took over my life once more. However, after couple of years I realized that by not writing this chronicle I would sink right in to the company of the men I despise so much: the 'write my family chronicles. NOT!' liars. So I have now forced myself to write down about Sigeweard I. Bear with me. I try that as well.

So, (umm, where we left off... Oh yes, the regent thing.) a few weeks after child King Sigeric I had sent his regent to fabricate claims in Dublin it came to fruition (fruition from a fruitless man, whad'ya know...). The invasion was about to begin.



After returning from Dublin Sigeweard somehow also managed to impregnate his wife. That reminds me: it has always puzzled me why Sigeweard's childrens are in Leicester with their mother and not with Sigeweard? Well, now to think of it I might have an educated guess but still, the arrangement is quite peculiar.



17 July 1167, child King Sigeric I declared war on Dublin and the mustering of forces began. While all the others were in Dublin, warring, Sigeweard sipped wine in King's court. That's it. That's all the man I have to write about did in time of glory and fame. Sipped wine.

In November Sigeweard's chancellor, Hereweald of Denbigh who was actually sent there by (surprise, surprise) Eanfirth II, came forth and presented his early Christmas present to Sigeweard (hmm, a tad long name. Would probably suffice if I called him only weard...): right to take county of Ulster. Finally I thought that I could actually write something spectacular in Weard's chronicles. At that time the war against Dublin raged on. Over thirteen thousand English soldiers were sieging Dublin. What could be better than the King holding the south and the second most powerful man in England holding the North?



But of course not. Sigeweard threw the paper in hearth as he "didn't want to accomplish anything through deceit like his father did". I've started to actually regret that the damn Eanfirth II wrote his own chronicles... What a grand chronicle that would have been had I wrote it. Eanfirth II was a soldier. He expanded the territories, raised an sizeable army and made path to the eventual Kingdom of Wales which would be hold by Northumbrians. What did Sigeweard do with this legacy? Nothing. Absolutely nothing.

On Christmas Eve the war against Dublin ended and child King Sigeric I got a hold of most of southern Ireland, making the kingdom of England one of the largest and most powerful kingdoms. On Christmas Eve King Sigeric I also sent Sigeweard to fabricate more claims in Ireland. If I could only write King Sigeric's chronicles instead... He's not even an adult yet and he has conquered most of Ireland.

In Januray, 1168 two quite big events happened. One not maybe that great and one which I consider great but too late. First: a child was born to Sigeweard and Ælfthryth. And get this, he was named 'Candido'. Why on earth these Italian names and Italian culture infests the pure saxon blood!? I have a feeling that Eanfirth II is to blame. I don't know what he did but it's his fault. Candido and Andre. Hah!



The second thing: Sigeweard finally came to sense and converted to Saxon culture. How unfortunate that he can't convert his boys anymore because they are with their mother in Leicester...



1168 was also the year the Sigeweard started his maniacal building. In September small pox broke out in Sigeweard's duchy. Luckily (or was it in the end?) Weard was in King's court regenting.



29 July, 1169 Sigeweard's heir Andre 'the pizza delivery guy' came to age. And like his father before him and his father before him and so on, Andre is as wrathful as them. It came clear quite fast as well when I met him the first time that he is also quite cruel character. And charitable apparently as well. Like when I met him he forced a maid to give him all of her money. After she had done that, Andre hit her. And after that Andre gave the money back to her and gave some more money too. Peculiar fella. He also became the court chaplain of his mother's county Leicester.



One of the most funniest events in 1169 was the time Sigeweard's mother, also spymaster, came to him and thanked him of his virtuous rule. Really? Well, I suppose it's considered virtuous when you don't do anything.



The rest of the year Sigeweard spent sipping wine in a chair and ordering his loyal subjects to build all kinds of buildings. I suppose building buildings is some kind of a fetish. Also King Sigeric I declared war on another Irish lord, using Sigeweard's legalization of conquest papers.



Once again Ireland was full of soldiers clashing onto each other. And once again Sigeweard sat on his arse in King's court sipping... Wait for it... Wine.

In may 1170 war was won and most of Ireland had fell on the hands of child King Sigeric I.



Ugh... How long I have to still endure this awful farce...