[Laughing Swordfish]

"We can't send this to BdU, Sir.."

"Why not?"

Viktor sighed. And glanced at his piece of paper

"Because, Sir:

'Where is the Ark R and and where is Auntie B, what are our KM idiots doing about it?'

isn't going to go down too well, I'd guess"

"Nor, Sir, is this doodle of a little Alpine house, and this man and a woman having a picnic with 'Ich liebe Heidi' scrawled underneath. That's hard to translate into morse, Herr Kaleun."

"Give me that here, Viktor! That's just some doodlings and scribbles, the message form is on the reverse side"


"I'll re-write it. Step across the gantry"

" U-46 to BdU. DTG (put in the time and date when you send it, Viktor?)
In patrol box BE as ordered.
U-513 confirmed lost with all hands by enemy air action.
U-100 and U-711 proceeding to designated patrol areas.
Last heards as my previous message.
Two merchants sunk by U-46 of 2,000 and 8,000. Could not ascertain name of ship, or type of cargo due to weather, but laiden and heading NE.
11 torpedoes ready, and all other weapons systems and crew intact
Request new ops area or permission for independent action, to anticipate the big ships. Ours or theirs. U-46"

"Well that's better, Sir,"

"Thanks Viktor, I'm glad my message to the GrossAdmiral has your approval"

I took my cap off and ran my fingers through my hair

Some medicinal rum should have been forthcoming, but of course He had a better supply than me. I'm not supposed to know about it, and they can store stuff in ingenious places.
(I'm thinking now of the time when a depth charge ruptured a couple of pipes in the Control Room, and the hands were incredibly quick to see to it)

(It's a busy time to say the least, when you're being depth charged , and the crew were very conscientious in stemming this particular flow with their mugs)

Only later I learned, that an illicit bag of schnapps had been burst behind one of our air pipes by the Royal Navy. Christian told me much later when he found out himself, after me, him and Otto were busy saving the boat. We had already gone past 220m down.
"Are you annoyed , Sir?"
("Of course I'm annoyed, Number One! Where was our last tot? I had a throat as dry as Rommel's boots!")

Anyway,

"Sit down Viktor. Pour a couple of shots and talk to me"

"This thing about Heidi..."

"Sir, the crew have known for ages; she loves you, and that was obvious to any of us who had to go to Headquarters, the other crews in the Flotilla know too, and they're taking bets on you against that fly boy from Abbeville."

"You're running a book, aren't you, Viktor?"

"Not any more, Sir, the whole of U-46 wants their money on you, I can't place enough of it out with the luftwaffe groundcrews and the army at odds to make a turn"

"Get back to her, Sir"

"By that you mean, don't take any risks with the boat, and get us all back in one piece, isn't that it?"

"That thought hardly crossed my mind, Sir"

The green curtain swayed, and I could catch a glimpse of Viktor's famous paperback collection, rocking back and forth on his shelf.
Most were trashy detective novels to be sure, but I happen to know there were some extremely romantic stories of love in the 18th century that he never lent out.

"We'll all be getting back safely, Viktor, but one thing at a time..."

Lt de Bunsen, U-46