BWAHAHAHAA!! IT'S ALIVE!! ALIVE!!!
Ze same can't be said about my minions who are trying to keep it running, zough.
What? What is zis? It stopped?! I didn't give it a permission to stop burning my minions alive!! Conspiracy!! Sabotage!!
Zis is so serious crime against evilness zat I can't make my point wiz a simple Luger. I need heavier equipment.
Zere. I'm sure ze leader of ze science team will understand my point of view much better now. Whoever he is going to be, ze minions haven't started drawing straws yet.
Fortunately zere is some more competent help available. I notice zat zere is a serious lack of a comical sidekick wiz British accent in here, so I decide to hire one.
Ridiculous costume. Check. Useless, yet funny looking cartoon gun. Check. Peg-leg. Check. Calls everyone "Matey". Check...
Sheesh, he has barely settled in and ze "World Against British Humor" is already knocking on my door. Look at ze amount of zose agents! You'd zink Amnesty International was on my case or somezing!
I wonder if zey'll find zis practical joke of mine more to zeir liking?
While dealing wiz normal agents is merely a nuisance, I'm more concerned about how ze Waiter and ze Musclehead somehow managed to interrupt my evil ranting. I don't understand how zey do it! It's like everytime I'm in ze middle of a good monologue, I'm interrupted at a dramatic point and ze camera cuts away to zem fumbling around like muppets!
To make sure it doesn't happen again, I draft a plan to get rid of zem permanently. But first I need to lure zem back to my island, so I start a series of daring raids. Cuba hasn't tasted my wraz for a while now.
I'm sure punching a panda is somezing no goody two-shoe can fail to notice.
No? Zen how about secretly giving ze Holy Cow of Capitalism, ze Coca-Cola, for free to zeir worst enemies, ze communists?!
At first it didn't seem to work. All I got was more zirsty reds invading my island in search of black nectar.
But soon after zem arrived Mr. Musclehead. I'm not sure if he is hunting me, ze Cola-zieves or boz. Doesn't matter.
He doesn't know zat I know his muscles are not natural. In fact, researching his sweaty towel revealed zat ze man is basically a walking drug store.
Ze science team also found out zat zose drugs may have interesting side effects when introduced to some of our drugs. Let's see what happens...
Hmm, interesting.
Ze science team claims success, but I honestly fail to see ze difference.
Aha, zere it is! Ze vats made him smarter, and he is now working for me. Zey also infused him wiz deep hatred towards ninjas apparently.
Speaking of working for me, I decide to get ze Gender Equality nutsys to stop zeir ranting for good by hiring a woman in my service. Her resume led me to understand I could delegate watching ze minions to her.