The weekend update is brought to you by Mr. Machiavelli and his enterprise called "How to write so boring historical classic that even a history major starts looking for excuses to avoid reading it." Huzaa for Niccolo!
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Zere are some good news on ze science front. At first I was furious at zem for building sand castles when zey should have been working on my doomsday device. However, after executing a few of zem, zey quickly explained zat zese may look like regular sand castles...
But when some witless git happens to walk close enough...
...Zey turn out to be twin-barreled machineguns. I heartily approved and promised not to shoot anymore of zem. However, I was eager to test my new playzings and zey happened to be ze minions closest at zat moment.
I can't, however, base my security only on expensive technology, because I have learned zat ze forces of justice are very eager to blow my property up. Zerefore, like Uncle Adolf, I turn my gaze to ze east and decide to give zem a taste of zeir own medicine. If zey have ninjas, zen I want some too!
Ze ninja master's Ping-Pong was weak.
And sooner zan anyone can say "Holy Ninja Sexually-Insecure-Pyjama-Clown", I'm training my own order of martial artists. Tremble before my cliche might!!
Gut! Since I now have a personal army of underlings...
And also a preposterous amount of cold hard gold...
It's time to get zis plan really into motion. And for zat we need to move to a more suitable island.
After receiving ze order, my minions pack up all ze important stuff.
And leave some more useless stuff behind.
How exciting! Everyone is ready and eager to see our new home!
I leave last to ensure everyzing has gone as planned.
Next stop: Isle Evil Mark II. BWAHAHAHAHAAAAAA!!!!
Welcome to Isle Evil Mark II. More vegetation, more space and more evil.
I bought it mostly because it has zis volcano crater on it. Ze adverts promised me it would be a functioning zough! After zrowing a dozen minions down zere and hearing just "splat" instead of "fssshhhh...", I must conclude zat I have once again been taken for a fool by ze marketing sharks!!
But because zis is mine now, it's time to start building a new base.
Of course it would go much smoozer if my idiot minions hadn't carried all my precious treasures out on ze open and zen started admiring zem togezer!!
I have to make a point by shooting one of ze slacking construction workers. Unfortunately I can't shoot more of zem, because I need zem to build my base for me.