And yes, zey took ze bait! Gut! I hope zey like lemon pudding, since zey now have a roomful of it. I made it extra good, wiz lots of sugar and arsenic. Wiz love.
Zis is my real laboratory wiz ze real research machine. It is small and empty now, but it will get bigger soon. In zis room I create ze most evil zings ze world has ever seen! Zey shall learn to marvel my genius!!
Of course, I still need some scientists to assist me in zat. I have just heard zat zere is one in Antarctica and zat some mean nasty evil genius has sunk his supply ship. Zerefore I send my own men to rescue him before he freezes to deaz.
While my men are at antarctica zey also happen to find a minion I forgot zere zree or four evil mastermind plans ago. No one gets to say I don't care for my underlings, so I order zem to bring him back.
Since he couldn't be melted, I place him in ze control room. Zere he is just as effective as ze rest of my minions, so no one feels ostracised.
It seems Herr Jackson is ze only one here who can get somezing done, since his musical products have once more earned me a new kind of minion. Here is a scientist who will help me to make all my genius ideas reality in ze laboratory. But first he needs to train me some more scientist minions in ze training room.
He also needs some toys to play wiz. I have heard ze Americans have created a huge laser in one of zeir laboratories. LASER! EVERY EVIL ORGANIZATION NEEDS A HUGE LASER!! I DON'T CARE HOW MANY MINIONS IT TAKES!!!
Well, it took many of zem, but finally we have our own genuine giant laser. And I know exactly what I'm going to use it for.
I knew I kept zose ninjas around for somezing.
Building my personal army furzer, I have heard zere is some hick in ze Norz American woods who holds a grudge to his president. Seems zey all do, regardless of who is in office. Zat's ze good news. Ze bad news is zat he doesn't like me eizer. I foned him and he mocked my accent. Ze nerve!
I proved him my patriotic nature by inviting him here to listen to my music collection. Now I have a whole lot of mercenaries training my guards to use machineguns. I don't understand why, but zeir number seems to remain constant, no matter how much I train zem. However, ze money on my account has started vanishing somewhere after I hired zese people.
Zere have been new advances on ze science front. I test my new toy, ze impact stress analyzer, to zis diver whom I found trying to boobytrap my personal toilet. "Enemy from below" got a whole new meaning.
Not all ze scientific leaps are good, however. My scientists have somehow invented a wide-screen TV and installed four of zem to ze staff room wizout my permission. Now my dumb minions are getting even dumber zan before watching zose idiotic serials.
One of zeir better inventions, however, is zis huge door zat I had installed in my office. zis should keep minions from wandering here when I'm taking a leak. I tested empirically and concluded it is a minion proof: using ten underlings as batterin rams in row didn't even leave a dent. I'm very pleased.
I have been told zat ze world has finally noticed my existence, but as per usual, zey have understood it in completely wrong way and calling me "Rotten" now. Zerefore I need someone to improve my public image. I heard zat zere is a talented PR man in Azens, so I decide to offer him a working holiday on my island.
Hmf, even under enhanced interrogation techniques he somehow manages to look better zan all my minions combined. BUT IT WON'T SAVE HIM FROM ZE MOONWALK!!
I also contribute to imrpove my public image. Since I still happen to have an old earzquake generator from my Evil Masterplan Number 75 somewhere in ze cardboard boxes, I decide to have ze minions dig it up and wipe Nashville from ze face of ze earz. Zat should remove at least 85% of zat horrible country music from my intercoms.
Unfortunately not everyone again understood my good intentions, and a group of countryside hicks have arrived to complain about ze loss of zeir favorite banjo bands. Ze downside of countryside hicks is zat what zey lack in brain cells and musical taste, zey make up in guns and bullets.
To most of zem I offer shelter from ze heat and sunstroke in a nice, cool freezer room.
But ze only survivor gets a special treatment called "Centrifuge Carousel". I'm not going to hurt him. Once he has been zrough enough rounds in my new toy, he can go back home and use his remaining brain cell to babble everyone how nice and good person I am.