My exploits in ze East have gained ze attention of a man called Red Ivan, who apparently has an axe to grind wiz ze forces of justice. He offers me his services. At first I was sceptical, but he convinced me in ze job interview wiz his motto: "KILL ALL ZE GIRLY MEN!!"
Such efficiency! He has just arrived and already he is making himself useful by shooting a slacking minion wiz bazooka. I like zis man!!
Bah, ze downside of traveling is zat zere are always cockroaches stowing away in your luggage. In case of Ivan's luggage it means a group of communist soldiers who found my secret base by following ze trail of bodies left behind by him.
Ivan gives zem flight lessons wiz his bazooka and so ze problem is solved. I repeat: I like zis man!!
While Ivan keeps my base safe from any furzer intrusion, I can concentrate on one of my favorite passions, namely art. zere is anozer beautiful vase in Asia, just looking for home in my office. Time to liberate it.
Ah, gut! It looks much better here next to me and ze ozer vase. ze first one was lonely and not balanced wizout ze second. I'm sure ze Asians wiz all zeir hippydippydoo filosofies can appreciate my perspective when I put it zat way.
Well so much for zat hope. Was ist das?! Ninjas?! Zey are sending NINJAS to stop me?! Was ist next? Pirates??! Are we going to stage circus fights between zem and fund my evil operation wiz ze tourist revenue??!
Bah, I can't be bozered wiz ze trivial pyjama clowns sneaking around my island. Jubei acts as my emissary instead and makes a very convincing argument. Zeir end shall be swift and quiet. Like a ninja.
My attention on ze ozer hand is turned to zis ex-CIA operative who now zinks he is a great crime lord in Norz Africa. I hear he is selling weapons in zere. I send a group of my soldiers to show him mine.
After he has been convinced to have a holiday on my island, zere is only one more crime lord to deal wiz.
Namely zat Briton Bob Cane. He doesn't even come to my island himself but sends minions to do his dirty work like a coward! See, zere zey are already scaling my walls!! Ze nerve! Doesn't he know I'm ze one who is supposed to assault his island?!
Jubei and Ivan are waiting on ze top of ze cliff to demonstrate ze Briton invaders ze downsides of scaling walls wiz just one ladder. Or rope, as ze case may be.
After his minions are slaughtered, I tell Bob zat I don't hold a grudge and invite him for a conference. He accepts and is quickly finding his way zrough my base. As your countrymen would say, Cane: GET ON WIZ IT!!
Ah, gut. All ze crime lords have finally sat around ze same table. Zerefore I turn it around and show zem zis miniature island to demonstrate my plan.
My plan being, develop a shrinking ray and shoot annoying persons like Bob here wiz it until ze rest accept my terms. What, did you really zink I had time to build miniatures?
Ze rest of ze gentlemen leave my office in silence. Only a faint "splat" under my left foot disturbs it.
My point is made and I got rid of Bob all at ze same time, but I'm still not happy. Ze Briton left an annoying stain on my floor and I demand retribution. However, ranting at ze wet little spot on ze floor didn't really satisfy me, so I decide to take my revenge on ze whole cursed island nation zat created ze cretin. I have heard zere is a shipment of tea in India going to England soon. I believe ruining ze tea moment of ze Britons should make up for making my floor dirty.
Zen I need to return to my plan again. My prototype shrinking ray works nicely, but I need somezing bigger. And to develop somezing bigger, I need a laboratory. Fortunately I have heard zat ze Japanese have created a marvelous research machine zat I can use to conduct some of my own research. zose lovely Japanese. I might not shrink zeir islands into tiny rocks at least at first once I conquer ze world.
Having stolen ze research machine, I leave a message for ze forces of good. I wrote it myself.
"Dear forces of justice.
Nyah, nyah!
Love,
Max."
Of course ze forces of justice want zeir precious machine back. Zerefore I use zis empty hut outside my base and build a fake research machine in hopes zat ze foolish fools of foollands will steal it.
Yes, zey have already found it...