WAS?! ANOZER ONE??!! GO BACK TO ZE CONTROL ROOM SO I CAN OVERZROW ZE WORLD, YOU DOLT!!!
Note to self: order ze next valet to bring bullets to Luger.
Bah, I can't have zese idiot minions wandering around my office all ze time. zey interrupt my evil monologue! Zerefore I decide to lock ze door and have it guarded as well just in case.
Furzermore, shooting people is messy. Since all evil plans involve building a rocket sooner or later, I decide to start sooner and begin by stealing a space suit from ze United States. ze next minion zat wanders in my office can zen be shot into space. Much more clean.
After succesful zeft I place ze space suit in ze control room. It can stare ze minions in zere reminding what happens to slackers.
However, ze Americans aren't happy wiz me now. zey send a team of zeir soldiers to recover ze space suit sooner zan I can say "Give me Moon or give me sauerkraut!"
Well how fortunate zat I am genius and in my infinite wisdom bought zose rifles to my own soldier minions. Bwahahaa!!
I have Jubei lead ze welcoming committee to Isle Evil. I deviced ze strategy myself. I call it "Battle Pineapple" and it is too complex for your inferior minds to understand, so do not even try.
I have no idea where zese people learned to shoot, but zey seem to be fairly effective in it. I will have to remember not to send zem to space, at least not until I run out of more suitable volunteers.
Not surprisingly ze battle was short and one sided. ze fish finger factory got more material. Now if I only had time to create ze machine...
Some of my minions were also injured in ze fight. zerefore I build an infirmary. A laboratory environment and large amount of desperate guinea pigs wanting "treatment" should net us some interesting results...
But what is zis? I have just been told zat zis valet minion has lost his guts and is about to desert my evil empire. Apparently constant carrying of body packs has made him forget rule number one in my service: CARRY ZEM OR FILL ZEM!!
However, he might still be useful as a guinea pig and I'm feeling charitable. zerefore I simply put him in ze special accommodations for a while to do some introspection.
Onwards! I am getting quite pleased wiz my growing art collection. I realize zat my base's floors, while very clean, are also very much made of metal and my feet are getting cold. So it is time to sacrifice some more minions for ze greater good of my toes.
Ja, it looks very good at my office, zank you minion. Now get out before I shoot you.
My walls are also lacking decorations ozer zan fire extinguishers, and I have just heard zat ze Cubans have an interesting painting not for sale. 20 worker minions should be enough for at least one of zem to dodge ze bullets long enough to snatch ze painting.
Ah, zey did. But ze Cubans are now royally pissed off and want to make my island red like zeirs. Only zeir idea of making it red is painting it wiz my blood. I am not fond of ze idea, and in retrospect never liked Marx's beard style eizer. Time to send ze welcoming committee again.
Ze battle is won, but it was long and bloody. Even Jubei fell unconscious, but fortunately zis man seems to have more lives zan brain cells. A night in bed should cure his headache, and ze communists likely can't afford sending anozer raiding party anytime soon.
Once Jubei is back on his feet again, he makes up for his slacking by learning a new skill. Wind Walk sounds fancy. Jubei explains me zat by channeling his wishy-washy-chi-ho-whatever he can teleport where ever he wants. Unfortunately he can't take anyzing heavy wiz him, so zere goes my plan for raiding Fort Knox.
Zis still sounds more useful zan what my ozer minions are capable of, so I decide not to shoot Jubei after all.