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"She's so stupid she returns bowling balls because they've got holes in them" - Joan Rivers on Bo Derek
"There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full" - Henry Kissinger
"Sure there have been injuries and deaths in boxing - but none of them serious" - Alan Minter
"When a man steals your wife there is no better revenge than to let him keep her." - Sacha Guitry.
"A Lawyer will do anything to win a case, sometimes he will even tell the truth." - Patrick Murray.
"I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early." - Charles Lamb.
"If one synchronised swimmer drowns, do all the rest have to drown too?" - Steven Wright.
