[Sailor Steve]

I've told this one before, but:

Two young men are speeding down a small southern country road when they're pulled over by the county sheriff. As the sheriff walks up to the car the young driver rolls down his window. The sheriff immediately taps him upside the head with his nightstick. The kid grabs his head and yelps. "OW! What was that for? What did I do?"

"Well, son, it's like this. Back when my daddy was sheriff he would have hauled both your sorry backsides down to the jail, where you would have been beaten, tortured and abused. You finally would have escaped. One of you would have made it across the county line, the other would have died, taking several of our finest officers with him, and it all would have been made into a bad 'Movie Of The Week'. Just consider this to be part of our newer, kinder, gentler Sheriff's Department and my way of saying 'Please don't speed in my jurisdiction again'".

The kid quickly nods and says "Oh, I won't, officer, I promise! You'll never see me doing it again. In fact you'll never see me again, ever!"

The sheriff then walks around to the other side of the car and taps on the window. The kid in the passenger seat rolls the window down, and the sheriff tunks him with the nightstick too. "OW!", the kid yells. "What was that for? What did I do? I didn't do nothing!"

"I know", the sheriff smiles. "I just wanted to make your wish come true."

"Wish? What wish? I didn't wish for anything!"

"Oh, come on, son. You and I both know that two miles down the road you'd turn to your friend here and say "I wish he'd tried that $#!+ with me!"