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vienna · 06-18-11, 05:51 PM

I am very sorry to hear of your loss. I too had a very difficult to near impossible relationship with my parents. My father was a merchant marine and I saw very liitle of him when I was young. My mother deeply resented my father's profession and made his life, when he was home, a living hell. When he wasn't home, my sister and I became her targets. My parents divorced when i was about thirteen and I was a very angry, messy divorce. My father and i met for the last time in about 1975 or 1976 when I was in my mid-20's. We had the first and only long converstaion in our lives and addressed some differences we had and resolved them. We never spoke to or saw each other again; no animosity invloved; we both just realized we were more strangers than family and really had no compelling connections other than the accident of birth. He died in 2000; I found out about his death in 2002 by accident when I was helping a co-worker navigate around a geneaology site and I put in his name as an example and found his death listed in a government database. My heart dropped and I felt great sadness, but I was also comforted by the thought I had made my peace with him long ago. My mother, on the other hand, grew more and more difficult as time went on and, in 1980, in an effort to save whatever sanity I had left and to get on with my life, I broke off all communication with her. The last time I talked to her, she called me to find out why I had stopped calling her or seeing her. I told her I had had enough and just wanted some peace in my life. She, quite out of character for her, quietly replied she understood and we said goodbye. Earlier this year, I was again helping someone with a genealogy search and, out of curiosity, I did a search of her name and found she has passed away in January of 2010. I did not feel the sadness I felt for my father; it was more of a relief. Her demons were now laid to rest and, if there is an afterlife, perhaps she has found peace there. They say you can't miss something you never had; in some cases, that is not true. I am glad you were able to make your peace with your mother and hope that whatever lingering troubles you may have had will soon fade and give way to better memories.

By the way, I am a huge fan of Beethoven (we share the same birthday [not the same year]). The Ninth has also been a great comfort to me in difficult times.

Life goes on; it is for us; the living to go on with it...

06-18-11, 05:51 PM	#22
vienna Navy Seal Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: Anywhere but the here & now... Posts: 7,724 Downloads: 85 Uploads: 0	I am very sorry to hear of your loss. I too had a very difficult to near impossible relationship with my parents. My father was a merchant marine and I saw very liitle of him when I was young. My mother deeply resented my father's profession and made his life, when he was home, a living hell. When he wasn't home, my sister and I became her targets. My parents divorced when i was about thirteen and I was a very angry, messy divorce. My father and i met for the last time in about 1975 or 1976 when I was in my mid-20's. We had the first and only long converstaion in our lives and addressed some differences we had and resolved them. We never spoke to or saw each other again; no animosity invloved; we both just realized we were more strangers than family and really had no compelling connections other than the accident of birth. He died in 2000; I found out about his death in 2002 by accident when I was helping a co-worker navigate around a geneaology site and I put in his name as an example and found his death listed in a government database. My heart dropped and I felt great sadness, but I was also comforted by the thought I had made my peace with him long ago. My mother, on the other hand, grew more and more difficult as time went on and, in 1980, in an effort to save whatever sanity I had left and to get on with my life, I broke off all communication with her. The last time I talked to her, she called me to find out why I had stopped calling her or seeing her. I told her I had had enough and just wanted some peace in my life. She, quite out of character for her, quietly replied she understood and we said goodbye. Earlier this year, I was again helping someone with a genealogy search and, out of curiosity, I did a search of her name and found she has passed away in January of 2010. I did not feel the sadness I felt for my father; it was more of a relief. Her demons were now laid to rest and, if there is an afterlife, perhaps she has found peace there. They say you can't miss something you never had; in some cases, that is not true. I am glad you were able to make your peace with your mother and hope that whatever lingering troubles you may have had will soon fade and give way to better memories. By the way, I am a huge fan of Beethoven (we share the same birthday [not the same year]). The Ninth has also been a great comfort to me in difficult times. Life goes on; it is for us; the living to go on with it...