[Skybird]

The past is no more, and the future is uncertain and still not here. The only thing we have for sure, is this one present moment. Nothing exists outside of it.

The emotional pain you feel is because you stuck to things that are not any longer, and the loss you experienced when your parents disappointed you and let you down. Analysing and endlessly discussing things with your friends or your own inner voice, doe snot make it any better. It just forms these memories a nice and warm nest to settle down in.

However, it is not the things themselves that bother us and make us mourning or fearing them but it is our evaluation, our commenting, our note-giving to which we attach all the time. Like in a reflex, a memory comes up - and immediately an inner dialogue starts to flow down the channels of our inner mind. And the more often this is repeated, the deeper the channel digs its bed into our mind.

Do not try to "manage" your sadness, no human can do that, trying it only delays the healing, may hide it from the surface, but only at the price of it becoming stronger and stronger. One day you'll meet it again unexpectedly but then it easily could have turned into something that overwhelms you.

Instead of doing something, let it go. Just this: let it.

Now, for us modern hyperactive, omnipotent brainmonsters used to manage even the worst of the worst disasters and never show a sign of weakness or pessimism, this is easier said than done. And if we nevertheless let things be, and some time later tell ourselves or our friends we successfully let things go, we nevertheless are still occupied by them plus the illusion of having let them go. Our luggage has grown.

But there is something you can do, and that is to always lead your mind back to the present moment you live in, your breathing, the most imminent and immediate thing you currently do. Neither become angry with yourself nor try to fight against your mind when you realize you have drifted back into past memories again and you feel sad again. Just recall that even the next minute is most uncertain and that your current stroke of breath is the only thing that you really have. Patiently lead your drifting mind back to the present moment. Dont evaluate the inner images of the past. Refuse to comment on them once you became aware you are drifting again. When you realize you drift, gently lead yourself back to the present moment. Do it time and again. You will do it very, very often. After some time, you will have turned it into a habit. That is good. When the habit has become so omnipresent that there are no more interruptions between different times when you practice it, then you are truly free.

Pain like yours cannot be "managed". It cannot be made to turn away. It needs to heal naturally, all by itself, in the time that it takes. It will not take too much or too few time. It will just take that time that it takes, not more and not less. Seen that way, it is perfect, and always right on time. That must be a tough nut for an impatient 19 year old, eh?

The past is no more. The future is not yet to be. All life is within this present single moment. Understanding this is key to everything. In this understanding lies true and unlimited freedom. In the end, everything we believe to experience, is temporal only and cannot last, and if we try to form our felicity by making temporal things everlasting, we necessarily must get disappointed, for they will go sooner or later. This is even true with regard to love, and parents. But we do not suffer because these things are hurting us or are not in order. Things just are the way they are, and we are free to let them go and move on, or to cling to them and allow them to occupy us. In other words: we suffer because we are not in order.

Life often is said to be a voyage. So travel on and leave behind your current stay. Bon voyage!