[Hottentot]

Ha, I knew I still had it on my computer somewhere! I got this text by email a long time ago and back then thought that whoever wrote it must have been a pissed off sim enthusiast. Reading this again made me appreciate the fact that the forums I frequent don't have these. Well, most of these anyway...

How to recognize a forum whiner?

Topic is agressive/frustrated. "OoW (Object of Whining) sucks!!!!!111"

Topic is started after being beaten in an online match.

Topic includes word under- or overpowered. "OoW is underpowered!", "OoW is overpowered". Can also include words "Über" (usually spelled "Uber") or "Nerfed".

Whiner's side is always underpowered or nerfed. The opposing side is always overpowered or uber.

If it is possible to play two different sides in the game (for example Allied and Axis) a forum whiner always plays only one side and ardently refuses to play the other.

In some cases may insult the players of the other side with funny historical names, for example referring to the players of the axis side as "Nazis". Especially true if these particular individuals happen to disagree with the whiner.

If a disagreeing person can't be insulted with anything personal, he can always be called fanboy. For example "Why am I wasting my time here, arguing with the fanboys?!"

Also if a disagreeing person can't be insulted with anything personal, he can always be called "n00b" because the whiner has bigger post count.

Can't be proven wrong. When in doubt, starts calling the opposition by names.

Freedom of speech in forums means that you are allowed to call anyone who disagrees with you with most colorful and imaginary insults and accuse them of flaming when they use similar insults against you.

Gets banned for insulting the other forum members on regular basis. Will come back after a while to demand his freedom of speech and accuse the moderators for being fascists (and usually fanboys too).

If a player of the other side starts a topic discussing the possible problems of his side, no matter how the opinion is expressed, a forum whiner will always come to the thread and shout "Stop whining lol!!!!111".

Will try to change every possible thread's topic to discuss the apparent problems of the game. Even if the original topic was about how cute the kittens are.

Believes in a big global conspiracy against his country, especially if the game is not made in whiner's country.

Politics is a topic related to EVERYTHING.

Loves the word "patch". "Where is my patch?!", "Fix this in the patch!" "Why is the patch late again?!"

Quotes a long post as a whole and says "Disagree".

Creates a thread about the same topic every week even when the old thread(s) is/are still active.

If whining about anything being underpowered, puts the word "my" in front of the OoW. For example "My Tiger tank is underpowered!" or "My P-51 should be much better!"

If the game has historical context (World War II for example), whiner always finds quotes and numbers to support his claims and happily ignores all the quotes and numbers that are against his claims.

Whiner will always find an ace who flew whiner's favourite plane/drove his favourite tank/commanded his favourite naval vessel. After that whiner will start a topic where he will loudly wonder why he can't do exactly as well in the game as the ace did in real life after playing for whole five minutes.

Whiner will always find smaller whiner to admire and support him.

Whiner will always find someone from the other side and call him whiner.

If the game gets a sequel, it sucks. Period. If it is somehow different to the original game it's not canonical enough and if it's similar to the original game, it's just a clone meant for ripping off innocent customers.

Whiner knows the sequel sucks years before it has been released. Will still buy the sequel and play it for an hour. After that will rush to the forums and create ten threads which all containt the same "I told you so" message.

If possible to have an answer from the dev. team (and sometimes even when it isn't), whiner will insult them and loudly accuse them of bias.

The first post of the topic includes sentence "Dev. team should fix this!"

Expects the dev. team to apologize and correct "the problem" within an hour.

Has many persons. For example "We pay your wages so you should listen to what we want" or "We don't like this!"

Always wants new playable stuff because it's "vital" and the game "is not complete without it." After getting it, comes back in a month demanding something else.

Complains about playable stuff he got for free in a patch because he isn't interested in it. Starts demanding something else (see previous.)

If the new playable stuff is interesting, it's not modelled correctly (most often it's underpowered or nerfed).

Knows everything about game making and how easy it is to create new content for any game. Still refuses to contribute anything himself.

Everything said by the dev. team is a promise. If "the promise" is not fulfilled, the dev. team is just a sorry bunch of liars.

Will threaten not to buy the future products and/or leave the forum for good if "the problem" is not fixed.

Even if the whiner leaves, he will always be back in less than a week to let everyone know how much the game being discussed sucks.