Truth be told, it's still quite possible to win a surface engagement with a DD, even in TMO. However, it's very risky, and you'll likely take a beating in the process. And if there's more than one, forget about it. That IS suicide.
Still, at least it's a last resort type action in TMO. In stock, you can go hog wild sinking surface ships twice your size with the deck gun. :P
P.S. Off-topic, here, but does anyone know which mod is the "nuclear torpedo" mod? The one that lets you propel ships into the air when you hit em?
I'd like to relax a bit with the game, take a step back, and screw around.