Yes I have heard nearly all of those more than once. Most commonly I get 'Me and my girlfriend just had an earth shattering row, I can't leave the house just yet' or 'I've been at the hospital all night, my girlfriend had a [insert dangerous female only condition of your choice here]' and of course the standard no phone call, which means I have to call you, and mostly get 'This is the O2 answering service, If you'd like to leave a' *click* why you gutless...grrr.. which annoys me more than blaming your girlfriend which is also pretty lame.
My favourite of all time has to be 'But it's still dark outside!' - 'Yes, [name], it is still dark, so I take it you're still in bed then?' - 'I err... Oh sorry I thought you meant 5pm...' The first bit slew me though I just couldn't bring myself to be angry after that.
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