i hope, for your sake, this is a generalized summary/excerpts. even if they are, its still not anywhere good enough to even be considered forpublishing.
you need to forcefully grab your reader with your words. use more detailed, descriptive vocabulary. go into about 20 times more depth then what your telling us here. Action, suspense, foreshadowing all the good stuff. you need to drench your entire story with all reading elements such as suspense, foreshadowing ect. if you sucked the details out of the great books, youd be left with a 2 page bland dull summary. More Dialouge! More action! Make that 2 page summary into a 300 page fatso. And if you want to get the attention of Most subsimmers here, for GOD sakes be as realistic as possible. make EVERYTHING to the dot. dont make your sub suddenly sprout wings and fire plasma torpedoes against escorts.
If this is going to be a massive comedy, i suggest you call a cartoonist and have him publish this. itd be a better cartoon then book.
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A popular Government without popular information nor the means of acquiring it, is but a Prologue to a Farce or a Tragedy or perhaps both. Knowledge will forever govern ignorance, and a people who mean to be their own Governors must arm themselves with the power knowledge gives
- James Madison
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