Let's talk about baggage. We all have baggage, fear of abandonment, fear of failure, fear of falling, whatever. But can you overcome your fears and unpack your baggage?
I run into this all the time on Keen. Someone is so afraid of being hurt, they run from emotionally investing themselves in a relationship. It seems such a trite thing to say, "Oh, they're afraid of being hurt."
Who isn't afraid of being hurt? Have you ever heard someone say, "Oh, please, poke my eye out." "Wow, I can't wait to have my heart ripped out and stomped on!" Or, in my case last week when I had a momentary delusion of indestructability and forgot the oven mitts, "Ooooh, that steam feels soooooo good. Please direct it at my dominant hand!"
EVERYBODY is afraid of being hurt. But some are so afraid that they won't even try. They just assume that it won't work, they'll just be hurt again, and then set out to make it a self-fulfilling prophecy. In other words, "This isn't going to work, so why don't I just muck it up right now."
Think of the joy they'll have standing back, and holding up their latest failure and declaring, "See, I was right!" These people are real party-goers -- to pity parties. Yes, they sit around at their parties dancing and singing, "Nobody likes me, everybody hates me" -- let's call them the worm eaters.
Worm eaters have a difficult time attaining anything in the relationship area because, well, they're too busy eating worms. I don't know about you, but I'm not about to kiss some dude that has a mouth full o' grubs.
And yet many people always seem to seek out the worm eaters, again and again, picking the unattainable, the ones who are unable to get out of their own way, or the ones who cannot meet them in the middle, so to speak.
Some people just fit into my "it's hell, but it's my hell" scenario. Say every relationship you've ever had has basically, well, stunk to high heaven. You want a good relationship, you dream of a good relationship, but when Dream Dude shows up and treats you in the manner that you deserve -- a Goddess -- you think, "What does he want? What is wrong with this dude?" Warning bells go off when he commits the unpardonable sin of -- OH MY GOD -- sending flowers!
So you run as fast as you can back to the arms of -- tada -- the Limburger cheese of relationships with Nightmare Dude. Why? You know what to expect. In a perverse way, it's comfortable and what you feel you deserve.
Unpacking baggage is a daunting task. First of all, you have to recognize that everywhere you go, you're trudging around carrying a very unchic Samsonite behind you, and then WANT to unpack. Some people love their old dirty undies and are loathe to give them up.
Wouldn't you rather trade in that heavy bag for a nice healthy relationship? Why not take a dewormer and unpack. We might even be able to trade in some of those old undies for something nice and lacey, and replace the Samsonite with something cute and hunky......
