[frau kaleun]

The 12 Steps of SH3 Anonymous

1. We admitted that we were powerless over SH3 and that Bernard had become unmanageable.
2. We came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity. His name is Admiral Dönitz.
3. We made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of Onkel Karl, as we like to call him.
4. We made a searching and fearless inventory of our provisions and ammo.
5. We reported to Onkel Karl, our flotilla chief, and our crew the exact location of any contacts we encountered.
6. We were entirely ready to have our itchy necks scratched with the appropriate decoration.
7. We humbly asked for an upgrade to our hydrophones.
8. We made a list of all the ships we had sunk, and had the crew paint pennants to commemorate all of them.
9. We made directly for our patrol grid whenever possible, except when doing so would mean passing up a lone unescorted merchant.
10. We continued to take inventory of our stores and armament and when we ran low promptly set a course for home.
11. We sought through radio transmissions to improve our contact with Onkel Karl, asking only for directions to the nearest convoy and the fuel reserves to intercept it.
12. Having had a successful patrol as a result of these steps, we tried to get home without hitting a mine, getting depth charged into oblivion, or letting Bernard steer the boat.