Well let's give the cons a turn:
An Australian ends up next to a British soldier in the trenches during World War II.
The British soldier turns to him and says, "Good to see you, mate. Have you come here to die?"
To which the Australian replies, "No, mate, I came here yesterday!"
How about the yanks:
A young British soldier lost his head during a fire fight and ran for cover some distance from the action.
He had not only lost his prized beret but had also lost his webbing and weapon.
He was crouched down behind a wall when he felt a hand grip his shoulder and heard a calming American voice behind him say, "What the **** do you think you're doing here, soldier? Think of your regiment...get back there and do what you're paid to do."
The young soldier got himself back under control and said, "Sorry, mate, you're right."
The voice behind him bellowed, "MATE? I am an American Officer!"
The young soldier replied, "Sorry, Sir, I didn't realise I'd run back that far."
The Brits even:
A squad of british soldiers were patrolling the Iraqi border, when they came across a badly mangled dead body. As they got closer, they found it was an Iraqi soldier.
A short distance up the road, they found a badly mangled British soldier in a ditch on the other side of the road, struggling to breathe. They ran to him, cradled his bruised head and asked him what had happened.
"Well," he whispered, "I was walking down this road, armed to the teeth when I came across this heavily armed Iraqi border guard. I looked him right in the eye and shouted, 'Saddam Hussein is a moronic, deceitful, lying piece of trash!'"
"He looked me right in the eye and shouted back, 'Gordon Brown is a moronic, deceitful, lying piece of trash too!'"
"We were standing there shaking hands when a truck hit us."
I'd be lying though if I didn't admit this one has always been my favourite:
An elderly British gentleman of 83 arrived in Paris by plane.
At the French immigration desk, the man took a few minutes to locate his passport in his carry-on bag.
"You have been to France before, Monsieur?" the immigration officer asked, sarcastically.
The elderly gentleman admitted he had been to France previously.
"Then you should know well enough to have your passport ready."
The British gentleman says, "The last time I was here, I didn't have to show it."
"Impossible. The British always have to show their passports on arrival in France!"
The elderly gentleman gave the French immigration Officer a long hard look.
Then he quietly explained;
"Well, the last time I was here, I came ashore on Juno Beach on D-Day in June 1944, and I couldn't find any *******ing Frenchmen to show it to."
