"Captain!", cried Number One, "enemy destroyer dead ahead!".
Gott im Himmel, I thought as I staggered out of my captain's bunk. "I thought you had our radio guy call up our spy sats to reveal all targets in our immediate 2000 km radius!". "We did", came the reply at once, "but apparently this one spawned after that!". "Very well", I replied, and wanting to ensure I had a full overview of the tactical situation at hand, I made sure to add, "how is your family?". "Oh, my kids are rascals", he told me, gaining a point of morale, "and I'm
so proud of them, members of the old stock!". I hesitated to ask him what the hell "members of the old stock" meant, but that'd probably just cause me to lose even more Leadership Points, so I declined. "All right, then", I said instead", "Number One, take us to 20m and engage the Mk. III Silent Running cloaking device! Oh, and sonar dude, I need a bearing to target and the latest gossip on the new lieutenant!"
"Engaging cloaking device. Sonar dude reports destroyer is at 23 degrees and closing fast, and that the lieutenant is an stuck-up twat!". I breathed a sigh of relief -- employing Silent Running protected our subs from hydrophones, eyeballs and scanners through the use of state-of-the-art technology from our Klingon allies in the Mediterranean. Sure enough, the Destroyer passed above, only a few metres from us, realized the hopelessness of further scanning, and turned to leave. Now to counter-attack before she went to Ridiculous Speed. Taking the sub to 10 metres, I got a lock on the Destroyer, and its data was calculated by our advanced targeting computer (which was handled by the same mainframe that generated the endless food supply the chef had at his disposal with advanced nano technology). In a second, I knew just how to fire the torps to hit, and hit we did -- two massive fireball shot out of the hulls, and the ship was engulfed in flames!
"Direct hits", our android weapon officer cried. "But she's still moving as if nothing had happened", I protested. "She must've seen our torpedoes coming and raised her deflection shields!", Number One replied. "Worse yet, she seems to have an all-android crew", I added, "they're walking around on deck as if the flames weren't even there!". Damnit, damnit,
damnit, this was not good. What would they throw at us next,
armed patrol planes?
"Wait a minute, captain", came a voice from the torpedo room, and I jogged over there to see what was going on. It was the weapons dude. "I could try to reroute the currents from the torpedoes' fusion power plants. This will destabilize their Thomsen fields, causing heavy sub-ionic radiation and rendering them highly likely to hyper-atomic breakdown or premature detonation -- but it will increase their fire-power tremendously, and they
should work just fine at close range!". Make it so", I replied curtly, and noted that the poor guy lost two morale points from my rude demeanour.
Scheizze, I thought,
it's just not fair, why does Kommandant Picard get away with being such an arrogant dog's ****?
Nevertheless, ten seconds later we were at Awesome Speed Forward, getting the destroyer back into view. We fired the torps, which overpowered the ship's shields and blew her up spectacularly, and that is how we came to sink our first Federation destroyer. Commanding a u-boat is a pain at times, but for all of its flaws, I must say I love WWII technology. Next I'll tell you all about our laser-guided HE rounds, which allow us to bombard targets from four kilometres away
.
--Captain's log, date five seventeen, one nine four one, off the coast of England.
Grew tired of the stupid trolls, and wanted to bitch about the game in a more advanced way than spamming "SH5 sux" threads and derailing unrelated threads with one-liners.