[Scoochy]

VERY bored at work today, so I though I would throw one of these together as well. It's actually kinda fun and makes you think about how it would really look, in real life.

So here's my tale......

Captain’s Personal Log – Day 1
Today I take command of my first U-Boat. Coincidently, my friend from Officer School took command of his first just last week. He sent me a telegraph telling me of the interesting first tour he had and some of the antics the crew played on him. I’m guessing it is some sort of hazing ritual, one eyed XO costume, Watch Officer repeating the same order over and over….I can only hope my tour is as enjoyable as his was.
It is late at night now, and I need to get my rest, starting early tomorrow morning.
Captains Personal Log – Day 2
I woke up this morning, already dressed and in the Sub Pen, almost as if I had never left. The same people standing in the same place, doing the same thing. Maybe it’s the sea air…creepy none the less though.
I walked down the pen, looking for a brow or gangway to board the sub, but I couldn’t find one. Seems that the crew boarded the sub and removed the brow without realizing they forgot the captain. Speaking of the crew, they appear to be pretty anxious to get underway as there is already a tower watch looking at the horizon through some binoc’s ever so vigilantly.
Right about now I am curious as to how I am supposed to board my sub. I walk down a little ways and notice my finger has turned a strange shade of brown when looking at a certain individual and I decide to speak to him. I ask this gentleman for orders as a last resort, and I hit pay dirt. He quickly whips out a map in the middle of the sub pen with a bunch of arrows on it and begins a nice dramatic story of how our sea power leaves something to desire.
I catch myself nodding off, when suddenly the map displays options. “What’s this?” I said. “Am I able to choose what I want to do?” I think to myself. I move my finger to one of the choices, Eastern Coastal shipping.
I must have dozed off. The crew, anxious to get underway has apparently moved me to the conning tower as this is where I woke up. Not wanting to appear like I didn’t know what I was doing, I immediately ordered “Ahead 1!”
I quickly noticed that I was unable to recall how to order a course or direction. For the life of me, it wouldn’t come out of my mouth. Finally I told the navigator to change course to where my eyes were pointing. It was a little absurd, but it got the job done. We agreed that my command for course changes would only come in the form of plotting new waypoints on the chart, or by saying “Change course to where my eyes are pointing!”
We were moving forward, leaving the safety of the pen behind, heading out into the open ocean. My orders were vague, which worried me a little. But at the same time, I was given a bit of freedom, even on my first voyage. This underway time was to accomplish the task of sinking 50,000 tons of shipping off the coast of Britain. On my chart, an icon was located off the coast of Britain. I wasn’t really sure what it meant though. Is Command trying to tell me to patrol a certain grid Point? Am I supposed to circle this point? My orders were titled “Sink ships off the British East Coast, and there was a crescent line indicating the coast so was I supposed to stay within that line? I was too afraid to ask Command for clarification, so I just went with it.
We were clear of the sub pen now and I asked the Navigator to bring me the chart so I could see the course he had plotted to get us out of the bay. I opened the chart, only to find it blank. Surely my Navigator didn’t expect me to play a course through Kiel. This is something he has most likely done before. It’s a long and tedious trip, with lots of turn points, surely he has a “Ready Chart” with this already plotted.
Nope.
I order “All Stop!” Right there smack in the middle of the harbor. This is absurd. I rip a pencil out of the pocket of my “Navigator” and place our first waypoint on the chart.
“New course! Five Zero!” He yells out, nearly making me crap my pants. I place our next waypoint on the chart.
“New course! Five Five!”
“Dubya Tee Ef Navigator! What the hell are you doing?!” I yell out. “Do not call out each point as you may realize we are looking at probably 30 waypoints to get out of this harbor!” I can only hope he heard me.
“New Course! Two Seven!”
At this point, I give up. Maybe it’s a feeling of inadequacy. Perhaps he is trying to make up for the fact that he did not prepare the charts for this underway. I continue to plot out our course, cringing as the Navigator calls out each point.
The chart is complete and the course is plotted all the way to our AoR. “Ahead 3!”
It’s been a long day already, so I decide to take a quick nap in my cabin. Times passes by quickly until I’m suddenly awoken.
“Shallow Water, Sir!”
I wipe the sleep out of my eye. Why is he telling me about shallow water? We are in a harbor, surfaced, of course there is shallow water. I quickly doze off again.
“Smoke Spotted, Sir!”
My Watch Officer seems to be an over achiever.
“Shallow Water, Sir!”
“For the love of, I know! Knock it off!” I reach deep down inside my subconscious and push a theoretical button to tune out my Watch Officer. It’s much quieter and I doze back off.
I must have been exhausted as I woke up about 9 hours later as we were exiting the channel. Looks like my Navigator is able to hold his own and the ever so vigilant Watch Officer kept us safe. I can only hope that the relieving officers are just as capable. I move into the command room only to see the same Navigator.
“Why don’t you hit the rack for a while, let your relief take over and the 2 of you rotate.” He looked at me as if I were speaking English. Apparently, he was the only Navigator. I asked about the rest of the crew and it was the same for the whole boat. There was only one person on board who could do the job. I know we had a small Navy, but this was madness.
I decided to talk to the XO and find out if there was a way to get our boys some rest. I tapped him on the shoulder, and when he turned around I almost split my side laughing.
“You have the same costume!” I said laughing, my eyes watering up. “My friend just took command of a U-boat and his XO had the same eye patch! Where’s your parrot! Where’s your wooden leg!” He looked at me, not saying a word, not even grinning. Tough guy, he’s someone who doesn’t even laugh at his own joke.
Then I realized, this is no joke and he really is like this. I thought the stories when I was a kid were based on stereotypes and such. But they really do exist. One eyed, eye patch XO.
I felt terrible. But was still chuckling to myself, thinking about the “Hook Hand” jokes in my head. I decided I should leave him alone for a bit and decided to head up the tower. That’s when he got his chuckles in.
“What wrong captain! Never us e a ladder before?!” He was right. For some reason, I couldn’t walk up the ladder. No matter how hard I looked at it and walked, I just couldn’t go up. Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, I was able to operate this ladder, only to find I had to do it again. It was quite embarrassing........



Work is picking, gotta end it here.