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It simply does not work, like most of the time it does not work to translate Rilke into English.
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Are you familiar with Stephen Mitchell's English translations of Rilke? Those are the ones I have, and I love them. They include the original German texts but of course I'm nowhere near competent in German so I can't really compare one to the other. I've always wondered how good a job Mitchell did in capturing the essence of the originals.