My ideal mobile phone would first of all be the size of a mosquito's balls.
The smaller the better. However it would have a touch sensitive screen upon which to view the football or any other popular sport, in HD.
Next it would have a gazillion pixel camera with a bunch of completely useless functions because it would have a tiny lens.
Lastly of all it would be accompanied with a slick ad campaign on the television advertising an online tools store to download with the tagline "Be a smug bast@rd today".
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