If you want reality, load TMO1.9. and RSRD. The stock game is a joke. With TMO you're almost always spotted trying to pull attacks off. Now, once you get good at it, you can still sink a lot of ships. If you want more reality then..
Cut off contacts, so you don't have a magical map that shows you where things are.
Cut off Cams, so you can't see what ships are doing. It's fun being stuck in your sub while under attack, not using the cheat cam to see what's going on on the surface.
You'll find yourself fighting for your life and you'll have to really learn to track without contacts and cams. You'll sink a lot less ships, but it's about as realistic as you can get.
If that's not enough, you can adjust sensors even more.
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