Penn Jillette had the best solution for airport security:
Post a male and female airport employee next to the departure gate. They would both be nude (possibly jewish for good measure). Each would hold a plate with bacon strips.
To get on the plane you follow two easy steps.
1. Kiss the exposed genitals of one of the nude staff (your choice of gender).
2. Then eat a strip of bacon.
Voila! You may now board the plane.
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