What version are you running? I found that after 1.4 DDs no longer sink when hitting me.
As for historical reality, the DD should ALWAYS come off better. IIRC there was one case of a DD sinking directly after a collision- the sub didn't do any better. Several other vessels sank after receiving damage, but it was usually a case of the ship foundering while under tow...I can't think of any sub which survived a deliberate ram.
Interestingly enough, naval design up to the end of WW2 called for strengthened bows on ALL warships for the specific purpose of ramming. The "Cod War" between Iceland and Britain during the 70's led to a reassessment of the need to strengthen bows, as many vessels were damaged due to ramming by Icelandic fishing ships.
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