[CaptainHaplo]

Well gentleman, let me add another view here.

I have 2 children. My oldest is now 9. His mother and I split when he was 2. I won't go into alot of detail, but after an extended battle, the decision was "joint" custody - but she had "primary" - meaning I got to see my son every other weekend. I was also ordered to pay over $650 a month in CS - while being unemployed.

From the time she got him - to the time he was 7 years old - a period of 5 years (or 130 scheduled visits), he was withheld over 80 of those times. There were periods when I didn't get to see him for a year at a time. I had my ex-wife found to be in contempt, got to see my son for 2 months, then again he was withheld. I was investigated over a dozen times by Child Protective Services - mainly anytime I forced her to allow me access to my son. Every accusation in the book was leveled against me.

Finally, a very in-depth investigation, conducted by a PHD, was done. Its results, as well as the support of my son's counsellor (whom his mother had hand picked), DSS, my son's current emotional state, etc, all those factors finally resulted in custody being changed. I now have primary custody of him. 5 years of absolute hell to protect and save my little boy.

I'd do it all again in a heartbeat. Today, two years later, he sees his mother every other weekend, she gets her time with him in the summer, and he has done a 180, now being successful in school, socially and emotionally. He was released from counselling after a year, because he was thriving in a stable and healthy environment. In the two years I have had him, he has not missed a single visit with his mother.

I am so proud of him, because I know it was, and still is, ungodly tough on him.

He is on my insurance - his mother had him on medicaid - she has spent the last 7 years since I left her in "school" - and after 7 years, just this last one got a 2 year online degree. She still doesn't work though, and for the last two years - her CS has been $50 a month. She is supposed to pay for half of anything the insurance doesn't cover, as well as half the copays, etc. I could take her back for an adjustment based purely on the fact that I am paying for his insurance. I haven't ever seen a dime from her.

The system is biased - getting custody takes a long battle and a very attentive judge. Mine was a woman with kids of her own, and we were able to demonstrate beyond doubt that his mother was a horribly irresponsible person who didn't take care of her children, but instead created the emotional turmoil my son was going through.

I can't speak to alimony - in this state there is no such thing anymore I don't think. If there was, I am sure she would have asked for it when we split. But make no mistake, a custody battle for a father is probably the hardest thing to win in this life.