Go deeper. 100 meters isn't nothing in the XXI and the deeper you are the harder you are to hear. I usually do 180 meters average in my type VII and the XXI should easily exceed that!
When you hear the destroyer charging in for a DC attack then go flank and jink when the ashcans start popping wait a few seconds then silent 1/3rd again. after a few times of that you should have made the distance good enough to make the difference and creep off.
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