Silence! I won't hear another word against Heino. I know, I brought him up - to my eternal detriment. It is a breach of security I will never live down. I am the latter-day John Walker, as played by the noted Shakespearian actor Powers Booth in that TV film.
The Soviet Union/WARPAC had their Perimetr/Dead Hand doomsday device.
NATO had Heino.
It is well known to strategic theorists that, in the event of a breach of the western plains by conventional forces, Heino would simply have sat down in the middle of the Fulda Gap on a canvas folding chair in a tight suit and sang his popular rendition of "Muss I Denn" which, without respect to the charlatan Elvis Presley, is surely the definitive rendition. Backed up by a division of enthusiastic schoolchildren and at least two-dozen pairs of refractive goggles (custom-made by Zeiss) to shield the Commies from his pop-eyed gaze, the armoured Red hordes would have simply popped their turrets in awe...the deflagration providing an amusing counterpoint to the voice of a liberating angel (providing they could be heard above the Mellotron and Hammond B3 synthesiser).
That was theoretically only the first phase, of course. Next, tactical German forces under the "dual-key" arrangement would have deployed David Hasselhoff, but he was outlawed under SALT II.
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