No real advice here, but from the way you tell the story Breadcatcher, it sounds like both of you live in relationships that you don't really like or that have severe issues (alcohol and lack of expressing love).
The good thing with the two of you meeting might just be that your friendship/affection can get both of you to a new start or a new direction in life, and to change what is not good. But the change does not necessarily mean the two of you as a married couple for the future. That is one way of seeing it at least. I hope you find your way soon.
And as Skybird suggests, do find someone to talk to, simply talking freely over a period about your situation now, and for the last years, sometimes make things more clear for oneself, where thinking in isolation gets you nowhere.
cheers Porphy
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"The only remedy for madness is the innocence of facts."
O. Mirbeu
"A paranoid is simply someone in possession of all the facts."
W. B.
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