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Reasons to Fear Canada
Ninety-percent of population is massed within 100 miles north of the United States' border.
Seems not to mind that one of its provinces being almost entirely French.
Excessive politeness only makes sense as cover for something truly sinister.
Citizens seem strangely impervious to cold.
Decriminalization of marijuana and acceptance of gay marriage without corresponding collapse of social institutions indicate Canada may very well be indestructible.
Has infiltrated entertainment industry with singers, actors, and comedians practically indistinguishable from their American counterparts.
Consistently stays just below cultural radar yet never quite disappears totally.
Parliamentary government and common-law judiciary appear to function acceptably yet remain completely inscrutable.
Never had a "disco phase".
Seemingly endless supply of timber, donuts, and Scotch-plaid hats with earflaps.
Keeps insisting it "has no designs on America" and "only wants peace".
Plays a mean game of pond hockey.
Has a universal health care system considered to be Socialist and yet it's citizens remain healthy, showing the people may invulnerable to disease.
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